Best Obidala Ever
by solojones
Summary: A short parody of the Obi-Wan/Amidala romance genre. Admit it, you like to read them too. Here's one with a sort of twist.


*Disclaimer: Star Wars belong to George Lucas. Also, please note that this is not meant to insult writers of said genre of fanfiction (I like some of it), it's just all in good fun  
  
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The steaming food on the table wafted into the air, arousing Obi- Wan's senses. He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent. "This looks wonderful, m'lady," he said in his customary polite tone.  
  
Padmé smiled at him radiantly. "Thank you, Master Kenobi. I hope it tastes as good as it smells."  
  
"I'm sure it will," Anakin cut in, adding a smile for good measure.  
"Well, I've only learned to cook recently," she said shyly. "So don't get your hopes up." She took a seat across from both men and motioned to the food. "Well, moment of truth. Go ahead." She waited in anticipation as the men took the first bite.  
  
Still chewing, Anakin said, "Mmm, it's wonderful Padmé."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Obi-Wan swallowed before commenting, "Yes, it's quite stimulating to the palette." He smiled almost imperceptively at Padmé, who returned the smile.  
  
Anakin gritted his teeth slowly and tried not to glare at his Master.  
  
"You're right, it's not that bad," Padmé said after taking a bite.  
  
"I can't imagine how the young men back on Naboo have failed to snatch up someone with such wonderful culinary skills," Obi-Wan said. Padmé blushed, and Anakin grew red with anger. Obi-Wan sensed it, and back- peddled. "But of course, it's really not my place to comment on such things," he said quietly, looking down at his plate.  
  
Everyone ate on in silence for a few moments. Anakin kept glancing nervously from Obi-Wan to Padmé. He wanted desperately to say something charming to distract Padmé from Obi-Wan. But she kept subtly sneaking glances at the bearded, reserved, handsome Jedi. Anakin felt sick with envy. "Excuse me," he said quickly, dismissing himself from the table, disappearing into the 'fresher.  
"I wonder what that was about?" Padmé said.  
  
Obi-Wan could sense the feelings of his Padawan, but kept them to himself. "Oh well, I don't think he's feeling well. But don't worry, it's certainly not the cooking."  
  
Laughing slightly, Padmé pushed some food around on her plate. She couldn't help but noticing how attractive Obi-Wan seemed tonight. He was finished eating, and was standing up, glancing around the room. She twirled a finger through a curl of hair at the base of her neck. No longer able to stand the silence, she said, "I'm really glad you could come here tonight Obi-Wan."  
  
He was a little surprised at her using his first name. "It was my pleasure, m'lady."  
  
"Really," she said softly as she stood and moved over toward where the Jedi was standing in the shadows. She looked up at him seductively. "I'm very glad you came. I haven't seen you in 10 years, and I never got a chance to thank you for all you did for me."  
  
Obi-Wan couldn't help but sense everything radiating from the young senator. He licked his lips nervously, and said as casually as possible, "Well I'm glad I could service you." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realized how that sounded and winced.  
  
"Yes," she said, moving closer to the desirable man. "Me too." They were now only inches apart, and getting closer.  
  
Obi-Wan couldn't help but lean in, as Padmé slowly began to kiss him on the lips.  
  
Just then, Anakin exited the 'fresher with regained confidence. He stopped dead when he saw Obi-Wan and Padmé kissing. Fury burned inside of him. Here was his master, who constantly lectured him about the importance of the Jedi Code, doing something very un-Jedi-like. And with Padmé. Thinking fast, Anakin slammed his hand on the button that opened the door to the corridor.  
  
At the sound, Obi-Wan pulled back from Padmé. "Anakin!" he exclaimed. "I, we were just-" He was at a loss for anything to say that wouldn't sound horribly false.  
  
Anakin unclipped his lightsabre from his belt, and held it up in the light, twirling it. "Obi-Wan look!" he said enthusiastically.  
  
"Oh," Obi-Wan said in a whisper, "shiny."  
  
With a flick of his wrist, Anakin sent the weapon skidding off down the hallway outside.  
  
For a few agonizingly long moments, Obi-Wan stood frozen with indecision. On one hand, he had just been kissed for the first time in his 35 years, and had liked it. But the lightsabre sitting out in the hallway was all alone, and so very gorgeous and shimmering with metallic splendor. He looked to Padmé, who was eyeing him in anticipation, then back out to the hallway. It took Obi-Wan only a few seconds to realize there was nothing he loved more than a sleek, sexy lightsabre. He ran after it.  
  
Anakin slammed his palm on the button that quickly closed the door. Smiling at Padmé he said, "How about some dessert?"  
  
Obi-Wan sprinted down the hallway after it, and found it at the feet of a young female Padawan.  
  
The Padawan picked it up, and handed it to him. "Here," she said with a cheery smile.  
  
"Thanks," he said, and with a nod, headed off down the hall. He twirled the hilt in his hands, and then turned it on with a satisfying 'snap.' "Mmm, wonderful," he said with a wide smile, and brandished the weapon about with flair. Together, the two strode off down the hallway in the light of the setting sun. 


End file.
